Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Other People's Opinions

I would like an explanation as to why being pregnant seemingly opens you up to any and all commentary about the way you live your life, and the choices you make. It is my understanding that I'm not in the minority on this, as most of my pregnant friends have experience this judgement. I just had the following exchange:

When ordering a tall coffee misto (heavy on the fat free milk) at Starbucks, I was met with hesitation and a a skeptical glare.

"What is the problem," I asked?

"Hmmm, nothing," the little barista squeaked at me as he hesitantly turned back to his register." "Well...you're clearly pregnant," he accused.

"I am, yes. But that doesn't mean I can't have a small cup of coffee in the morning."

"Doesn't coffee cause, uh, problems. I don't know if I feel comfortable serving you that."

I stumbled over an unnecessary explanation to a MALE STARBUCKS BARISTA about how coffee is typically avoided during the first trimester, but it's usually fine to have 1-2 cups of caffeinated coffee or tea after that. As I was making excuses for my horrible habit, I became quite irate.

"Actually," I said..interrupting my own explanation, "I would just like my coffee please."

I left the store (with my coffee) feeling humiliated and a bit embarrassed, as a line of other customers heard the entire exchange.

As I walked away, I went over the times in my head that I've been chastised or criticized for doing things while pregnant that are perfectly fine. I'm routinely questioned at the gym as to why I'm still working out while pregnant. As I walked a perfectly reasonable pace on the treadmill, the woman next to me told me I could be hurting my unborn child. I ran a 1/2 marathon when I was 9 weeks pregnant, and walking's COMPLETELY healthy and wonderful to do during your pregnancy. Was she angry at me that though I was 31 weeks pregnant, she still had about 30 pounds on me? I do not know.

I also apparently should not wear high heels, despite the fact that I am more comfortable in stilettos then in flats. I should not eat steamed crab meat, which is a complete misnomer.

Other people's opinions are not limited to my appearance and food/beverage intake. I was told that even though I've decided to give birth without the aid of pain meds or an epidural, that I will be "Begging for drugs" during my labor. What makes this particular comment so ludicrous is that it was made by a childless male fellow employee. (Which is all kinds of wrong) I've been given a wild amount of advice from strangers on child rearing, the benefits of catholic schools over public schools, and much, much more. Over-sharing is also a common issue. Did I REALLY need to know the size and shape of my hair dresser's wife's pelvis? Seriously?

My favorite comment this week from a strange man sitting on a bench at Nordstroms: "You look great....I mean for a pregnant person." Backhanded compliments are SO nice.

Rant over. Sorry.

I promise I will post pics of Hawaii and the baby shower soon! I've been sick this week!!

2 comments:

ali said...

I love that you wrote this...
And it is infuriating that so many *men* decide they know so much about what it's like to be pregnant, what is good for a woman during pregnancy and what it's going to be like giving birth. A*&holes.
I would just do a hip circle and tell them to piss off...

But that's my erotic creature talking and I have never been pregnant, so what do I know how I'll respond to any unsolicited pregnancy/mother hood advice.
xoxoxox

Unknown said...

great post, smally- you really should share more of this type of stuff:)

... brian